A Rag Doll's Fairy Tale

damn!

2007-08-28T18:56:00.001+08:00

how can friendster be in maintenance, now that i need it so badly!!
grrrrr,,

hmmm...

it's been a while since i last updated mah blog.

ahmmmm..

~ the song of my life right now ~

I Don't Love You-- My Chemical Romance

When you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

When after all this time that you still owe
You're still, the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow

~

treat me like a fool,
kiss me like i rule,
let me blow your mind,
i wanna USE you from BEHIND...

damn!

2007-08-28T18:56:00.000+08:00

...For.Unauthorized.C******r.Knowledge.

2007-04-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

fuck.

let me go.

SHE is DYING.

for God's sake.

u torture me

just because i can't immediately produce you a FREAKIN PIECE OF PAPER with a PHD's signature?

fuck.

how cold-hearted can you all get???

...blue...

2007-03-07T20:55:00.000+08:00

so i guess i rili am gonna spend the rest of my jc lyf in meridian...
oh well...
old and new faces...
old and new classmates...
old and new life...

~

gonna change my subject combi...
am not gonna take lit anymore...
asyd from the fact tat it's too interestingly overwhelming 4 me,
it'll be preferable to take econs if i rili am gonna take BS Actuarial Science in university...
so yeah...
1st choice of course: S202
PCME all H2...

yeah,
it's almost-suicide...
but i rili need to keep myself occupied...
i can get very emo when in solitude...

~

*heartbleeds*

...prinsesa...

2007-03-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

HOLIDAY YEAH!

no classes till tuesday..
apparently my school did very well for A levels so they r giving us a plus day off...

~

leche...

bat parang iba na ang trato mo sa 'kin?

bat di mo na ko kinakausap ng matino sa msn?

bat bigla mo na lng akong iniiwan sa ere tuwing nag-uusap?

lalo na sa mga oras kung kelan pinakakelangan kita...

kwento mo,

may nakilala kang babae..

masaya kausap...

oo cge..

dapat matuwa ako...

kasi at lis, alam ko may makakausap ka dyan ng personal habang wala ako...

pero di ko maiwasang magselos...

mag-isip ng kung anong mga pedeng mangyare sa inio...

leche... natambay ka pa sa kwarto nia...

ewan ko...

pero alam ko

natatakot ako...

pano kung isang araw mahulog n lng bigla loob mo sa kania??

i-tutaym ako, iwan...

blah blah blah...

sanggala...

paranoya lang toh...

haiz...

ewan ko...

~

dalhin mo ako sa iyong palasyo...

...frailty....

2007-02-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

+ maths exams tmr.. thinking of ponning school... but well, i oso dun want coz well.... u noe....

+ listening to Fallen on Deaf Ears by Urbandub at the moment... damn... pinoy alt rawkz.....

+ refreshing my guitar skillz-- mastering DVDX by Sandwhich-- power chords damn easy but song is impressionable and not boring to play...

+ i've been eating a lot lately-- i feel fat... -- and guilty coz im supposed to fast...damn... i am so a non-devout Catholic now, i even forgot it was ash wednesday on wednesday... haiz...

+ i love nougat.

~

You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what i’m feeling
You gave me a meaning to my life
Yes, I’m gone beyond existing
And it all begun when I met you...

...notoriety...

2007-02-22T20:39:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter what other people think or say.

I DO NOT LIVE TO PLEASE THEM.

what matters is,

i am gonna
make the most of what i have,
have fun,
learn from what i've done,
and
live through it all
despite the rumours, gossips and intrigues..

that's being real..

live a life fearless of other people's shadows..

just live and let live...

~

It’s getting hectic everywhere that I go
They won’t leave me alone
There’s things they all wanna know
I'm paranoid of all the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can’t anyone see...

Lookout
You better play it safe
You never know when hard times will come your way
I say
Where I came from,
I’ve already seen
The worst that this life can bring

Now I expect it everywhere that I go
All the things that they say,
Yeah I already know...

I just wanna live
Don’t really care about the things that they say
Don’t really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live...

~

FAME

in da streets they call it MURDER.

...stumble...

2007-02-21T17:03:00.000+08:00

i am suffering from a terrible headache...
ouch...
it feels as though someone is hammering my skull off...

~

pV=nRT=NkT
blah... blah...
function of state...
ideal gas equation...
newton's law of cooling....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

my head is gonna explode...
geez... in about two weeks term 1's gonna end...
meaning the "fun" part of jc will be over...
so not looking forward to it...

the very chim lessons awaiting...
argh..
esp physics...
jc physics is very tough unlike the 'o' levels...
u won't easily get an A by jst mere lst minute studying...
tho just cramming made me score my A1s in the monster Os..
it definitely wont work tis tym around...

i must be consistent in work....

no more flippant attitude...
no more breaking of rules...
no more killing cats...
no more rebellions...

i have to execute a PERSONALITY that SCREAMS INDEPENDENCY and MATURITY...

i am serious about getting a university scholarship...

i'm not letting my parents' hardwork go to waste...

they've done so much for me olredi...

~

no more cny practices for me...
my cca is gonna be very slack--
which is why i am thinking if i should go change to anoder one after jae...

i am thinking about joining odac,floorball, or soccer...
not xur yet knowing tat i dunnoe how to play floorball,
and my soccer skills r pretty lousy...

haix...
jc lyf...

~

i tried to run from your side,
but each place i hide,
only reminds me of you...

...irreplaceable...

2007-02-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

hahahaha....

lolx....

hahahahahha...

hey readers, u shud all check out the MALE version of IRREPLACEABLE...

yeah... i can't stop laughing...

wahahaha...

i was browsing thru radioblogclub.com when i saw this song...

~

~

to the right, to the right.....

u mst not know bt me..

u mst think im playin...

coz i can hav anoder you in an hour,

in fact she's upstairs in the SHOWER...

geez... i am so high todae...

blame the sugar rush attack...

...black roses...

2007-02-16T13:20:00.000+08:00

14.02.07

valentine's day felt empty without you...
i do not want any other date than you...
u spent the day with another girl...
and probably gave her a bunch of red roses...
how sad can life get...
T_T

~

When I leave,
I wanna wait for the silence...
You gave me all you’ve got,
But now I stand here waving at you
And still you smile, you’re still looking back

Maybe I just wasn’t kind enough
I’m fighting urges to fall again,
Yet I stumble...

These roses died 3 days since
Black roses died,
we said goodbye...
I’m sorry, I miss you...

How do I remain complete
When all we bled is lost?
We could’ve burned the earth and sky
A second chance,
The seconds spent
Each other’s shadow should've known...

Hear this: I’m yours
I’m at your feet

Inside this heart you still remain
But faded letters are erased...

(adapted from the song 7 Black Roses by Chicosci)

~

...results...

2007-02-13T15:53:00.000+08:00

yeah... so i got 9 pts for my O's...
wheeeee....
i get to stay in mjc...
very nice...
at first i was afraid i'll get kicked out...
coz lotsa crazy stuffs happened during that monster period..
good thing i manage to pull it thru...

~

do ppl get together only to separate?
tis is sad....
how come important people in my life always leave me?
especially those people who have created a special bond wif me...

thrice i was @ the departure hall of changi airport...
thrice i watched these people i love go-- knowing tat i might not see them for a painfully long time...
thrice i cried...
thrice...

and will soon be counting...

~

treat me like a fool...
kiss me like i rule...
let me blow your mind...
use u from behind....

~

2007-02-04T11:29:00.000+08:00

this week...

+ i spent a total of 40 bucks on arcade [mainly on hotd4, time crisis4, bball shooting game, tekken5, and tat tribal percussion game... whooossshhh i gotta learn money management]
+ lst saturday, i slept wif 5 guys..
(no.. no.. not wat u think it is sicko.. i crashed into my guy friend's room and played bridge till
5am then jst fell asleep on the floor till 8.3o.. haha.. i am hastily becoming a creature wif XY chromosome now... girls save me..]
+ i saw him very often... esp ydae... nyahahaha... had a a very nice stargazing view i mst say... wahaha...[good im still a girl]
+ i love egg and tuna sandwhich...

=D

~

i wanna be the girl he's scared to lose.
the one where he [can't] walk away
from knowing she's mad *at* him.
the one who he can't fall asleep without
her voice being the last one he hears,
the ONE he can't
.L.I.V.E. .W.I.T.H.O.U.T.

~

"it's strange how one day u feel very upset then u sleep to wake up feeling nothing at all..."

-quoted from elizabeth 07S203

~

...exhausted...

2007-01-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

had my ogl interview ydae...
whoosshh...
so scary inside the room...
but enw it's over...
gonna accept watever results come out...

~

cny dance performance not done yet...
only choreographed 2/3 of the whole thing..
not yet even polished...
rehearsal tmr...

~

got so many homeworks n tutorials to do...
sheeeeessssshhh..
i never felt tis busy in my lyf...

~

a good friend of mine is havin his bdae tmr...
unfortunately, i upset him days before that...
but he oso made me upset...
-_-

~

whhhhheeeeeee...
kilala nia ako...
hehehe...
by mukha at by pangalan...
wahahahahah...
ilang beses ko xa nakita ngaun...
bagong gupit..
teeweehee...

~

enw..
gonna destress myself first by playing cs...
i jst love tat classic game...

ciaoz~

~

...hazard...

2007-01-15T20:00:00.000+08:00

ok... this blog is not safe anymore..
geezz... my lil sanctuary is gone..
oh well...

~

i got separated from my og..
my new class is 07S203..

at leche, kaklase ko yung kinaiinisan kong mokong!
hindi ako galit sa kania..
naiinis lng cguro talaga ako sa mga taong dada ng dada palagueh...
pa-impress sa mga teacher...
hmmmmmmmpppphhhhh...

~

enw so wat kung alam n ng buong hauz ko at ng hauz nia na crush ko c adam...
as if may pakealam xa..
captain xa, soccer player, ever-so-taas-at-almighty,
di nia papansinin ang isang simpleng junior n tulad ko...
hay nakow...

~

enw i got loads of works to do!!!!!!!!

so bye!!!!

=)

...revelation...

2007-01-10T10:43:00.000+08:00

so i passed the dance audition.
yeay.
but i didn get selected for syf.
it's ok.
not upset about it.
thinking that i am not good in "spotting" (?!?), doing "biurets" (did i even hear it rite??), and twirling.
as in ballet.
i am more into hiphop n street dancing.
whooshh.
enw those not selected for syf must perform in CNY.
so i'll jst focus on tat.
=D

~

i am now in mjc library.
and weishun u r rite.
somehow tkgs wasn't tat bad after all.
coz i had you, winnie, and amanda.
true friends are rili hard to find.
here in mjc, i gotta start from scratch agen,
and wishing tat someday i'll find genuine ppl lyk u.
=D

~

updates about Mr. Atlas House Captain.
His name is Adam Ng.
and he is in soccer.

hot yeah??

=D

~

so tat makes him mr. impossible-to-reach.
coz i am jst a girl-nxt-door.

good thing it's free to dream.

=D

~

"Panalangin ko sa habang buhay,
makapiling ka, makasama ka,
yan and panalangin ko..."

- Panalangin by Moonstar88

...orientation...

2007-01-07T13:55:00.000+08:00

i am actually too lazy to post an entry 2dae..
but i jst feel guilty not having updated my blog for so long....

so here's the list...

+ my subj combi in mjc is PCMLit
+ i am planning to join dance as cca.. [auditions tmr!! wish me luck!!]
+ my house is Miranda [the black ranger]
+ i am currently in love with BOXERS-- i jst bought one.. tshirt+boxer feels more comfie to wear than pyjamas!! nyahahahaha...
+ i got this HUGE crush on my senior-- house captain of Atlas in mjc..[but i dunnoe his name yet]
+ i am getting addicted to whipped cream.
+ i love starbucks' toffeenut latte.

ok gotta end here... will update more soon i promise!!!

...jc...

2006-12-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

NRIC : G0384404N
Name : CYGNE FAME ANG

1. The results of your application are as follows:

Posted Institution: MERIDIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE
Course Name: MERIDIAN JUNIOR COLLEGE (SCIENCE)
Course Code: 36S

2.Please report to the JC/MI on 3 Jan 2007 at 8am.

~

i'm ok with it...
tho agi told me it's quite stressful to study in there..

enw-- i am happy in a way tat i didn make it for sa arts--
coz i noe-- my friends noe-- i suck at arts..
and i rili hate humanities...

and at least, MJ uniform is not tat bad... compared to the
TK ugly-greenie-veggielicious-PRESCHOOL attire...

oh well...

i am still wondering what subject combination to take..
PHY-BIO-MATHS-LIT/ECON?!?
PHY-BIO-MATHS-KI?!?!

i am SO NOT GONNA TAKE CHEM.......
i am gonna cut out the most impractical school subj in the universe...

wahahaha...

as for my cca...
AIR RIFLE/SHOOTING?
WUSHU?!
TAEKWONDO?!
SOCCER GIRLS' TEAM?!!?!?!?

i find em all interesting!

oh well

good luck to me!

~

till now...

ciaoz~

...confused...

2006-12-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

I belong to me...
It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to
And I won't give up me to be part of you
It's not that I don't wanna have you in my life

It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right
Before I open up my heart to you

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in,
That who I am is not about who I am with,
That doesn't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I DO

I want you to know
I'll give up my love
but I'm not giving up my soul...

~adapted from Jessica Simpson's "I Belong to Me"

~

i dunno y i posted tat...
i just LOVE the song...

2006-12-11T20:24:00.000+08:00

Maritess Vs. Superfriends

wahahahahaha...
tis video is rili funny!
i love it!
u shud watch this!

...changes...

2006-12-08T18:48:00.000+08:00

NEWS UPDATE:

I've upgraded to Friendster's richer layout.
This is sad.
My previous profile is screwed.
So i gotta create another one.
Oh well.

If there's one thing constant in this world, that is change.

This is a fact.
So sometimes, we gotta take advantage of it.

=)

~

05.12.2006

i went to MTV Summit rock concert @ the fort field.
my company and i didn have entry tickets.
the booth ran out of em.
even frenzy condoms.
the wrapper could've been used to enter the field.
there were around 60 000 people.
i guess even more.
shhheeeeessssshhh.
so we gotta find people selling extra tickets.
of course, it'd be @ a much higher price.
but heck, who cares.
we badly NEED to go inside.

fortunately, we met 3 guys.
around my age i guess.
or 2-3 years older.
we cooperated to find tickets.
Upon entry we decided to stick together.
the whole nite was very fun.
=)

yeah.
so i was standing beside one guy among the 3 guys.
his real name is D'onell.
but his friends call him chuckie.
cute.
really nice.
sensitive but totally not gay.
gentleman.
a rocker.
really cool.
and we'd talk in-between and during band performances.
most of the time.
=)
He was rili friendly.
He even offered me his jacket.
coz well it was late @ nite
and was getting colder.
so i took it.

the tallest guy among them was the most handsome.
he kinda looked like my cousin.
hehe.
the other guy wasnt rili tat good-looking
but he got a rili great voice.

then it was later that i found out that they are actually in 1 band.
chuckie is the drummer. the tallest guy the guitarist.

my other company well didn mingle so much wif em.
but hey, i was totally having fun when wif those guys.

we hung out the whole nite.
and slammed wif other slammers in front
when the bands Kamikazee and Greyhoundz were playing.
the guys interlocked their arms to form a sorta "circle boundary",
and i was inside it.
so i was protected from the crowd and slammers too wild.
how sweet.
and we were all moving in circles against the crowd.
jumping lyk mad.
banging our heads.
and singing lyk crazy.
totally wild nite.
some perv even tried to get hold of me.
but sorry i was protected.
sheeeeessssssshhhh.

enw i learned tat they came all the way from Cavite.
woah.
with only 50 pesos in their pockets.
and they told me about all the hitchhikes they did.

they asked for my number.
and we might meet in Mall of Asia tis sunday.
i hav to meet my other friend.
they are doing sth else.
but hey...
rili glad i met em.

~

till now..
ciaoz~

...gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrr....

2006-12-06T20:07:00.000+08:00

daddy andrew told me tat i shud learn to manage my anger...
coz i'd just be wasting my energy if i'd always "release all that 'high' ",
so to keep things fine,
i should learn to just play it cool,
and keep it cool..

i tried,
really...
i tried my BEST...

sorry...

but i guess i just CANNOT be that person who is perfect or dextrous in channeling anger...

For a BORN STUBBORN girl like me,
"warfreak-ness" is and will always be her sidekick.

~

DAMN.
I LOATHE MY MOM.
I WANNA CHOP HER TO DEATH.
AND BRING HER TO HELL.
FUCK HER.
SCREW HER.
GIVE ME A SNIPER, AN AK-47, A BAZOOKA, A ROCKET LAUNCHER!
GOD.
ANYTHING TO ERASE HER ON THE FACE OF EARTH.
PLEASE.
I AM DYING.

~

i hate home.

gawd, i never thought i'd hate home.

but now, home is the last place in the universe i'd want to be in.

i hate them.

i hate my sister and my brothers.

i hate Cynthia Ang.

i hate the other people in there.

home is ugly.

it is stinky.

it is creepy.

i don't want to be there.

coz i don't really feel like it's-----

home.

~

i guess they aren't drunk enough to say they love me...

...ecstasy...

2006-12-04T20:49:00.000+08:00

ok CORRECTION...

i've found out the real name of tat pedro penduko guy....

tat is MATTHEW EVANS..

whhhheeeeee.........

can someone give me his full biography?!?

gawd, i'm lyk getting rili obsessed wif him..

;p..

~

enw i saw paris hilton's music video "Nothing in This World"...

the boy is cute.......

whhheeeee....

~

shall end here...

ciaoz~

...holy....

2006-12-03T20:23:00.000+08:00

just wanna say i LOVE tat PEDRO PENDUKO guy on tv...
my cousin said he's name's Gerald..

oh well, he's rili cute....
he wears high cut converse shoes..
and he's got AFRO HAIR!!! [so plus plus plus plus points!]
=D

i dunnoe but i rili have this thing wif guys wif afro hair...
i think it's TOTALLY ADORABLE...

i get easily attracted to them...

nyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i will post his pic soon..

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee........

he's lyk the fair and cuter version of Chad in High School Musical...

therefore, he's a TOTAL HOTTIE...

=D

~

me-- falling agen wif random guyz..
[blame my boyfriend who held hands wif anoder girl in malaysia..grrrr]

...moommmmooommm....

2006-12-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

i HATE staying at home...
i mean the house...

there is nothing to do at home, just eat n sleep...

spend tym wif my family?!?

hell yeah....

i got an annoying 2 year old sister who apparently does not like me-- always shoos me away...
i got a SUPERHYPERACTIVE 5 y ear old brother who always throws stuffs @ me-- dirty socks, those plastic toys, and hell name it...
and worst of all, i got a CONTROL FREAK MOM-- hell, she always orders to do this and that lyk she's a queen or sth... oh no she's not a queen, she's erm... MEDUSSA--- hhhhhmmmmppppphhh...
but she always gives me money whenever i ask her so tat consolates everything i guess...

[evil me]...

~

oh well, so far for the MARTYR me......

i noe i am mean....

i am BORN STUBBORN.

~

"All you'll get from strangers is either pleasantry or indifference.
Only someone who loves you will criticize you."
- Charlie Brown

...young...old....young...

2006-12-01T20:49:00.000+08:00

my sister is so ANNOYING!!!!!!!!

gawd i REALLY HATE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

someone give me a BLOODY CHAINSAW for goodness sake...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

i am rili burning in rage.....

hhhmmmmppppphhhh...

~

enw...

i watched the movie "Borat" 2dae...

wahahahahaha...

twas so funnyyyyyy...

and sarcastically true....

it's about this guy from Kazakhstan who went to America and travel across it...

it humours on the reality about life in Kazakhstan and America-- the people, politics, economy...

the movie is so funnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyy...

wahahahaha... u wanna c pamela anderson get sacked into some Kazhaki sack? go watch the movie...

nyahahahahha....

not gonna tell more details or i'll spoil the movie...

~

yeah tat'z it for 2dae....

ciaoz~

..plain...

2006-11-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino

Smooth and sweet, you fit in to almost any crowd. No one would suspect you of being a coffee tweaker!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you!
Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down.
You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you.
Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?

nothing much 2dae... my bro got his new specs coz he lost his other pair---- agen..

ciaoz~

..featherweight champion in the making...

2006-11-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

2dae...

i met my friends from upd 2dae in sm north edsa...

(ien,frances,mira,monica,thessa)

enw, i noticed how much some of them have changed..

they are girlier-- they are actually using mascara and eyeliners now!!

compared to me who has stopped putting powder on her face...

sheeeessshhhhh....

but it's ok coz they still have that same crazy spontaneous personality i always enjoy when we are together....

nyeeeeeee....

~

we watched happy feet!!!!!

the movie was really cute!!!!

yieeeeeeeee.....

i love penguins.. =D

~

and after that, we went to Kameraworld to take studio pics!

enw, the thing is...

Did they grow?

or have i grown rili tall?!?

or probably they have shrank?!?!

i was lyk the TALLEST among them!

2-3 cm taller than my next tallest friend!

and it feels rili weird...

coz bk in sg, my height was just fine...

T_T

now weishun i noe how u feel!!!!

~

then we played arcade games!!!!!

from car-racing to marvelvscapcom to shootingguns to shootingbball, to even BOXING!!

and accdg to tat boxing arcade machine, my punch is equivalent to that of a featherweight boxer, and tat wasn't even 60 % of my strength!

i was even laughing when punching the bag!

so dun make me mad, coz i got STRONG and STONE-HARD knuckles!!!!!!!!!!

hhmmmm.. this probably is a sign..

i should also learn BOXING lyk MJ!!!!

nyahaha...

who noes, in da future we'll have a family of BOXERS!!!! [not the underwear]

shhhhhheeeeeeesssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh....

~

and yah, accdg to the news...

a SUPERTYPHOON is gonna visit our beloved Pearl of the Orient by 11 tonite..

hope there isn't any blackout, flying roofs and broken tree trunks..

><

~

gotta end here...

ciaoz~

....holz so far...

2006-11-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

ok ok ok....

i have to update...

for my super mugging-free holz so far...

- i took driving lessons n had my first hour 2dae... i was rili freakin nervous.. i mean how would u feel if u had to seat on the driver's seat and drive on an ACTUAL ROAD [u noe, wif cars and motorcycles and ten wheeler trucks n also wif colossal BULLDOZERS?!? n not to mention, pass by roads under construction and relatively heavy traffic... on your very FIRST TIME?!? my nerves were like going all over the place which is why i gripped the steering wheel so tightly it seemed as if i wanna pull it off its place... wahahahahahha... >< good thing a good instructor was seating besyd me...

enw... i realized how much of a DUMMY i am when it comes to cars and other automobiles... at first i thought there were only 2 pedals in a manual car...u noe the gas and the brake.. it turned out there were 3... the additional one is the klutch [did i spell it right?]...

and the instructor asked me,
"which pedal makes the car move?",

i answered with hesitation,
"...erm, the gas pedal?"

"No. It's the klutch."

grrrrrr... how was i supposed to noe that?

u can't rili blame me considering my knowledge about cars only revolved around car-racing arcades and those in handphones where there are only the "accelerator" and the "stopper"..
wahahaha...

overall, i dun think i was bad... enw, the instructor was there to assist...

and yah, i LOVE SHIFTING GEARS!! hehe...
coz it makes me feel so pro.......
teeweehee...

~

enw, my boyfriend and i haven't talked to each other yet since i've gone back...
hey mingjie!!! call me!!!
[ok i'm like so high todae]

~

i also got my specs 2dae and guess wat the grade is....

right eye: 150
left eye: 250!!!!!

like OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't believe it's tat bad now...
i mean it was only 25-75 when i started wearing specs in sec 1..

that means i gotta eat more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...more carrots, and more pumpkins and more carrots and more pumpkins...

[eeeeeeeee.... i hate veggies....]

~

enw i miss my friends in singapore, china, thailand, indonesia, and malaysia!!!!!! T_T...
hey... dun lose contact k?!?! i'm gonna go after you if you all do! hhhmmmmppphhhhh...

~

enw... gotta end now...
ciaoz!

out of hellhole

2006-11-17T16:20:00.000+08:00

at pacific coffee company- parkway rite now..
just had my second iced latte...

~

argh!
i HATE kids!!!
they are so DAMN annoying...
and their high-pitched sharp voice
is freakin irritating me!!!!!
ggrrrrr...
i wanna strangle em and throw em away!!!

~

enw, on a lighter note...
O LEVEL EXAM's OVERRRR!!!!!!!
at last i am out of hellhole...

but actually i dun rili feel like it's the last day...
weishun is probably rite...
during the o level and pre-o level period,
it seemed as if the last day will never come...

now it has come,
it's as if we are not prepared for this GLORIOUS day,
stress-free, mugging-free...
oh well...
better get used to it....

~

and oh yah... for the last but one of the best news in my life..

my prince is OFFICIALLY MINE...
and i, the ragdoll, am OFFICIALLY HIS...
OFFICIALLY TOGETHER now...
and i am OFFICIALLY HAPPY...

so to his admirers, especially tat gay chung cheng guy and his junior who asked for his number.... and also to those who want to steal him away from me...
i OFFICIALLY say...

BACK OFF.
HE'S MY POSSESSION now.

~

...ouch...

2006-10-21T23:36:00.000+08:00

i am touched by what u said joz!!!
thanks for being a great friend!
after all, things dont seem that wrong to me any more!

hey readers, check out her blog.
http://nyehehisback.blogspot.com

~

last nite was the dhsh farewell dance...
ok sum1 said i danced lyk a fish swimming in the water...
what a strange analogy....
i flirtdanced with him--
he's lucky i wasnt tat drunk...
or else i couldve done crazier and bolder stuffs to him...
nyahaha...

~

my middle finger's freakin painful...
can't even hold a pen....
aarrrgghhhh...

~

i chose to be friends with her agen..
call me weird
but i cant bear not being with her
and talking to her...
after all this tension,
i realized tat tho she'd been not so pleasant,
she did touch my life in a way...
and i DO treasure our friendship...
our family's back agen...
starting fresh...
O=)

2006-10-17T17:05:00.000+08:00

On 1st day of O level Examinations,

i was called in that same place i had been one and a half years ago.
for particularly the same reason.
teachers.
but only this time around.
i know i am NOT wrong.

i dreaded tat 4 walled room so much...
i sat on tat comfy chair.
i listened to the school principal's very politically correct scoldings.
i didnt respond.
i was drowsing and almost fell asleep in fact.
and she went by and by and by...

"You tarnished the school's reputation! Do you understand?"

1 sheep...
2 sheeps...
3 sheeps...

"You've been here for 4 years! And this is how you repay us? I know this is not the first time you've been called here. You think i am dumb?!"

269 sheeps.
yes. you are.
i've been here for barely 2 years.
270 sheeps...

"i do not know what's your intention. You got your 1 minute of fame. At the expense of what? The school's name!"

315 sheeps...
316 sheeps...
317 sheeps...

"You know what we think? This act is all selfishness!"

no. i just simply got the edge.
i am different.
i am not a conformist.

"Yes. I do believe in freedom of speech. But remember that freedom of speech comes with responsibility. Ask yourself. Were you on the RIGHT platform when you expressed this freedom?"

what?!
when did freedom of speech ever have a RIGHT and WRONG platform?

"You wanna know what the 'member of the public' emailed the school and the Director of Schools?
'...a tkgs girl talked about how she buried a cat alive. this shows that the school might be encouraging animal cruelty. i think this girl is troubled. she needs counselling...'
Did you ever think about the repercussions of your act? What it will do to the school and to the nation?"

ok. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
you know what?
I FREAKIN DO NOT SEE ANY BIG DEAL.
WHY ARE YOU ALL MAKING SUCH A BIG FUSS OVER AN OPINION?!?!
don't you have anything better to do?

Singapore, you are really fuckin blind.
i have had enough of your conformity,
your makin a mountain out of a molehill.
i cant tolerate your robotic life any more.
you are trying to make everything perfect.
you are trying too hard.
look at your fuckin citizens--
now just mere blind followers
of your freakinly arrogant system.

TKGS, i freakin damn hate you.
i hate my uniform.
i hate my class.
i hate my teachers.
i hate everything about you.
you just made my life miserable.
i tried to change.
but you are just simply too proud
to take attention.
and now, you brought me again
to the same exact situation
1 and a half years ago.
but now, i will not cry.
because i know what i did was not wrong.
in fact
deep within my poker face a while ago.
i was smiling.

who would not want to see the school she
hates most go down?
i am OBSESSED with the idea.

~

i dont care about what you think about me.
kill tkgs. kill singapore.

...memoirs...

2006-10-16T15:12:00.000+08:00

i did not have a proper childhood,
did not have a doll or a playhouse, barbie shoes, pink clothings and accessories...
i was just an ordinary kid...

when i was a kid, i...

- shoplifted KitKat bars, nail polish, and scented papers
- stole money from my parents' cash drawers-- stealthily
- sneaked out of the house and used the money to play playstation in the nearby games rental
- drowned kittens in a bucket full of water
- had a crush on a guy who now isnt just a drug addict but a supplier as well
- was a street kid-- played anything on roads and train railways barefooted, with slippers, cans and some random balls
- played soccer using a basketball-- downhill
- played baseball but kicking a soccerball instead of batting the real one
- used to bathe in the rain-- topless
- never had a Barbie doll
- (but) loved pulling the head off my cousin's one
- first smoked a cigarette when i was 6
- first tasted beer when i was 7
- had a classmate who already knew how to run a motorcycle by then
- had a friend (of the same age) who already smokes and drinks
- had billiards the day before elementary school graduation
- attempted to run away from home
- screamed and answered back at my aunties and uncles
- i olredi knew how to cook rice, fried eggs, hotdogs, instant noodles, and a main dish
- i was olredi helping mom wash clothes
- had climbed the mountains
- made coconut milk juice
- climbed a tree and a roof
- was an anime addict
- was a gamer

i am not your pampered spoiled brat.
dun even think i'm one.

...unimaginable...

2006-10-15T13:10:00.000+08:00

Gemini
Get out of the past today -- focus on the future right now.

~

which apparently, i havent lived up to yet,
considering i jst watched the oc till 3 in the morning,
and woke up at 12 noon 2dae--
again...

~

i myself am confused...
the people around me are depressed and baffled...
and i partly blame myself
for what they are feeling and suffering at the moment...
perhaps i rili should blame myself...

~

she deleted me as friend in friendster...
he updated his blog, mentioning how confused he is at the moment,
managing his relationship with her
and studies stuff...
someh0w, i asked myself,
"why do i still bother checking these ppls' stuff out?"
i have to admit, i felt a tinge of pain in the heart,
when he mentioned that she is always crying and depressed...
probably, within me,
i still do care for them--
for her-- most especially.

~

the tension jst seems to intensify everyday...
and one thing is we might end up in the same jc...
and will probably have to live up to this for another
2 years...
what should i do?!

~

or i shud jst better forget about it...
enw, gotta study now...
my friends n i r watching high school musical tonite...

...slack...

2006-10-14T13:34:00.000+08:00

o level bio practical on tuesday...

have not revised anything yet...

kill me...

~

sOsLaCk

i watched,
- the OC season 3's first few episodes...
- 1979 Amytiville Horror
- Match Point
- Sound of Thunder

i played,
- DoTA for 3 hours [12 midnight til 3 am]

i slept,
- for 9 hours, ie, i woke up at 12 noon 2dae

i ate,
- a whole big packet of hazelnut cookies
- 16 pieces of timeout chocolate

i am too lazy,
- to go to any jc open houses
- to mug (always feel drowsy in the afternoon)
- to stop surfing the net

at the moment,i am
- blogging
- bloghopping
- looking for overlay layouts

later, i am gonna
- play dota again
- eat ice cream
- celebrate steffi's birthdae
- then God noes wat...

~

"do you know why you are weak? You lack... hatred."
- Uchiha Itachi

...paraskevidekatriaphobia...

2006-10-13T15:59:00.000+08:00

paraskevidekatriaphobia
noun
-fear of friday the thirteenth

me
- paraskevidekatriaphobics' nemesis
- the source of the phobia

~

watched a 1979 horror film, The Amytiville Horror?--

something

black cat crossing right before you?--

another something

the Director of Cat Welfare Society accusing you as a potential serial killer?--

THAT's something

~

what a nice way to crash the last day of school...

98.3 Campus Radio comes over to your school.
your class gets to broadcast your opinions-- LIVE.
about animal abuse.
most of your teachers are there.
the whole nation hears.
you get to speak.
then you say,
"i have to admit i am an animal abuser.
when i was a kid,
i buried a cat alive,
fed it with chili first
till its eyes pop out.
it's not that i had a
traumatic experience with cats.
it just felt good."

you see the jaw dropped shock
from your classmates,
the sharp expressions from
your teachers, the broadcasters, and
the Cat Welfare Society's
Director of Operations.
who then remarks, that
"psychopath serial killers
were originally kids who inflict
violence and abuse on to animals...
these people need HELP.."

i love this school.
i love annoying and thrashing this school.
it just feels good.

~

my friends are proud.

...pathetic...

2006-10-10T16:38:00.000+08:00

my friends n i came up with this list last nite during dinner...

TOP 10 HOTTEST GUYS IN DHSH

1. ****
2. **** ***
3. *******
4. ** ****
5. *** ***
6. **** ***** ***
7. *** ** ********** *****
8. ******
9. ---
10. ---

~

gawd... look at how pathetic our hostel is... we can't even name 10 guys who can pass the criteria!!! and by criteria, we mean one who is pleasant-looking, not-so-total-geek, cute, and
rili looks good in underwear... ;p

(haha, i was kidding about the last part)

enw.. so we came up with a new list...

~

TOP 10 ~~HOTTEST~~ "OK" Guys in DHSH

** **
**** ***
*******
** ****
*** ***
**** ***** ***
*** ** ********** *****
******
******
** **

at last, we were able to fill in the last two... dun have to waste so much of your time figuring who those ppl are.. haha..

i shall end here...

bye...

...nangyare...

2006-10-09T11:38:00.000+08:00

i just had a haaazzzzeeeeyyy weekend..
singapore, look at how exciting and life-threatening your place is!
gawddd...

friday
sneaked out of the hostel. spent overnyt at changi airport mcdonalds. with agi.

saturday
was supposed to be back in the hostel. but ended up in suntec. got lost in suntec. spent 30 minutes searchin for the freakin busstop. circled the fountain for 5 times. ppl stared. as if i was a runaway teen. back in the hostel. played warcraft for 2 hours. slept from 10am-6pm. ate dinner then played some more warcraft for another hour. then watched the OC season 2 till 5 in the morning the next day.

sunday
went to church at 10 in the morning. in the hostel, practiced DoTA for 3 hours. very addictive. still addicted. then continued the OC series.

~

i rili don't wanna care anymore.
im tired.
im sick of it.
still feel regretful and not motivated.

~

"...a girl cannot fall for you if you're not there to catch her..."
-quote from Alex in the OC

will u let me slip away?!

...extraordinaire...

2006-10-07T04:31:00.000+08:00

at changi airport mcdonald's...
with agi...
currently surfing the free internet in here..
tat'z only me...
coz agi is apparently playing bridge
wif his classmates...

~

there will always be a point in our lives,
when things do not seem to turn out
wat we expected them to be...
wen we needed em the most...
time when we keep on asking ourselves,
"what went wrong?"--
or perhaps,
"why now?!"
we start to blame ourselves...
and feel regretful...
we wish we could turn back time...
but we very well noe we can not,
and tat is when we say "it's over"...
we break down...
cry...
and sometimes, laugh...
dear life, how long do i have to hold on to you?!?

~

Oct 6 2006

Dear Diary,

MOOD: Apathetic

My life is spiralling downwards.......................

~

jealous of the one whose arms are around you.

...after 10 years...

2006-10-03T18:38:00.000+08:00

i talked to my mom last nite--
after 2 months...
i rarely call her...
and tat is y wenever i'd want to talk to her..
i'll hold back...
guilt?! i dunno...

but last nite, i rili felt i needed the comfort of my relative family...
i miss my family...
and i badly wanted to hear home...
i miss home..
i want to go back...

i miss my baby siblings' dunno-wat-alienatic but cute way of speaking...
my brother's spontaneously funny comments...
my mom's nagging..
and well my dad's presence...

somehow, i was considering goin back home..
and study BS actuarial science in university...
however,as what weishun said..
im not bad enough to go back
without having to repay MOE...
besides, i'd definitely upset my parents...
and i don't want that...

just betta live up with it...
singapore may be so standardized,robotic and boring,
but paradoxically, its very rigid way has intensified
unpredictable things' unpredictability
that one might encounter along the way..

~

sheeeeesssssshhhh.........
too much lit...lit...lit....

haiz...

oh yah and TK scholars are now the TK Shits [scholarly and highly intelligent teenagers]...

"We are shits. You'll regret stepping on us."

...shutter...

2006-10-01T15:15:00.000+08:00

went to church 2dae wif pao...

ok, i noe i havent gone to church for like-- ages?!?
but hey, i can still attend!
after all- im still a catholic...
and too lazy to renounce, convert or whatsoevah...

~

watched the shutter...
i didn find it scary...
probably coz the whole crawling girl with long hair in white is so used up...
it has jst become another lame creation of "paranormal imaginers"...
and also coz my attention is mainly drawn by the main character,
mr ananda everingham..
lao-australian..
HHHOOOOTTTTT....

~

i am currently in love with hazelnut..
cadbury chocolate hazelnut...
and is on the way to addiction..
sheeesshhh...
i guess i'll be needing rehabilitation soon,
or i'll suffer from malignant chocoholism!!

haix...

why are most things that are good sinful?!?!

~

i dun wanna go to school anymore!!!
i HATE studying..
i HATE mugging...
i HATE school!!!

someone save me...

~

you know i cannot be forsaken
because i am not the only one...

...funny...

2006-09-30T11:34:00.000+08:00

i love..

snickers-almond.chilli.coke.chocolate.
mi goreng.charmee.meepoh.ketchup.
vinegar.chichengfun.frenchfries.mocha.
bkmushroomswissdouble.bacon.ham.
coffee.frapuccino.mocha.ice cream.
rockyroad.doubledutch.publicbrownie.
cheese.chocolatechipcookies.lowfatmilk.
sweets.stirfriednoodles.onionrings.
eat.eat.eat.eat.eat.eat.eat.eat.eat.eat.

~

......

~

i dunno...
i rili dunno...
im confused...
i dunno who's wrong...
who's right..
who's evil..
who's not...

i just wanna wish these ppl away....

~

...tired...

2006-09-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

oh that fateful post...
wat took u so long to realize it?!
i am not repeating, and the more, not renouncing
wat i wrote...
i dont care...
and i dont wanna bother myself explaining...

...alone...

2006-09-27T14:43:00.000+08:00

these past days..
i have been constantly asking myself...
what is it with the people around me?
i am depressed...
and i do not exactly know the reason y...
never have i felt so alone in my whole life...
in that abyss of solitude
where no one is around but yourself...
where everything seems to fill with pretentions and fake smiles...
where you slowly realize that those you have always thought would be there for you,
seem to walk away, ignore you and act as if they never knew you...
it feels worse than a stab in the lungs...

yet you cannot cry,
tho you wanted to...
you can feel the rage and depression
accumulating at such an alarming rate,
but not a single tear flows from either of those windows of your soul..
it's bottling inside,
but u are unable to spill it out...
it's as if, all your tears has dried up...
and the very least you can do..
is suffer this overwhelming torment...

however,
on a lighter note...
i learned things i never could have known,
if i just kept on seeking companion...
at last i get to draw a fine line between who my real friends are,
and who are not...
i learned my lessons,
and i learned theirs as well...
i realized how utterly shallow some people can be...
people who have dreams just for the sake of having one...
tho it's kinda obvious that they cannot be that one...
see how blind and stupid they can be...
how selfish they can be...
how fake and bitchy they can be despite the "public" fact
that they hate fakers and biatches...
how ATTENTION-SEEKING they can be...
shrieking in a bus stop..
tho talking to a person who is just beside her...
interrupting conversations.....
so high-pitched it sounded....
one might thought it came from her "flower"...
but she does not know it...
coz jst like her voice, she's a WHORE...
too many to mention...
life is too vast to be told in a small blog like this...
but see how magical her ironies are...
in fact, life is irony itself..
live a life that sooner or later will end...

~

...nostalgia...

2006-09-26T18:14:00.000+08:00

meet my best buddies....
missin xtin a lot.....

from left:

winnie-> the football queen, xtin->rocker-princess-VIP, weish->punk-drummer

we are all weird.....i love this company...

...tired...

2006-09-26T17:01:00.000+08:00

was browsing thru other ppl's friendster profiles,
and i saw an english translation of the chinese song tong hua...
it was my junior's testimonial to an emo girl named dani...
ok..enuf info...

here it is...

Tong Hua (English Translation)

I've forgotten how long it has been
since I've never again...
listened to you telling your beloved fairytale
I've thought for a long time
I start to panic
have I done something wrong?

You said to me with full of tears
Inside the fairytale are all lies
I can't possibly be your prince
Maybe you can ever understand
You said I love you ever after
The stars in my sky has lightened up

I'm willing to be
that angel you love inside the fairytale
Spread up my hands
become the wings to protect you
You must believe
believe that we can be like that in the fairytale
prosperity and happiness is the ending

Let's write our ending together

~

that was....nice...
seriously...

~

...modelllzzzz...

2006-09-25T19:51:00.000+08:00

haha...
got my "fashion model" pics from mr brian alapide 2dae...
took it lyk after the mjc briefing in vs....
geeezzzz...
the photography studio in vs is soooo cooolll....
and theyve got this recording thing too...
wheeeeeeee....

~

i wanna be a model---
a model of wedding gowns...
the idea jst came thru me yesterday in plaza sing...
hahaz...
i love wedding gowns...

~

till now... byeish!

...aaaazzzz...

2006-09-25T19:17:00.000+08:00

feeling very unwell 2dae....
legs all jiggly...
hav a throbbing headache tat has been killing me since the morning...
have to take a cab back to hostel...
coz i couldve collapsed walking...
sheeeessssshhh...

~

he got most of his subjects a1....
geeeeeezzzzzzz.....

~

i am so afraid......
i dunno wat im afraid of..
but i am rili feeling fear at the moment.....

...out...

2006-09-24T11:04:00.000+08:00

olredi finished season 1 of The OC...
and tat'z why i slept at 3am....
sheeessshhh..
the ending is so sad....
cant wait to watch season 2...

~

oso thinking of watching another series Treehill...
*geez, im getting addicted to american series*...
missin watchin anime series...
wanna watch all episodes of full metal: alchemist...
sheeessshhh...

enw, i gtg...

gonna watch movie wif mommy nina 2dae...

at the new cathay....

john tucker must die...

~

ciaoz!

...sheeessshhh...

2006-09-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

....
wer do i start?!?

~

enw, prelims over!!!
weeeeeeeeee.....

ok, i actually faked that... seriously, i dun feel anything...
it felt lyk jst another 2 weeks that passed so quickly...
haix...
im so gonna be dead wen i get back my results...
sheeeessshhh...

~

i am addicted to THE OC...
i watched almost the whole season from 8pm last nite till the morning the next day...
3 more episodes to go...
geezz, tho it's kinda nerve wracking to watch two guys in suit kissing, an 18-year-old jock hooking up with his ex's mother, some mentally disturbed guy teen who imagines a 40-year old hotel recipient as his girlfriend,...
sheeesssshhhhhh...
and i love seth! he's so cute....
so innocent...
and summer too!
hehe...

~

i am obsessed with snickers......
i love snickers..
snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...
snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...
snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...
snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...
snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...snickers...

~

and for the finale,

he's back!!!
gawd--- i felt immutable joy upon seeing him...
i thot he wasnt rili gonna come back..
coz he said he liked it betta in his godsister's house...
sheeesssshhhh....

~

...life path..

2006-09-21T10:26:00.000+08:00

bored...

~

My Life Path Number: 3

Your purpose in life is to express your unique self.
You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life.
Witty and outgoing,
you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen.
A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party.

In love, you inspire and enchant your partner.
You are often an object of fantasy and desire.
While you are very talented,
you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play.

And while your wit carries you a long way,
you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings.
Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ...
if you let them....

~

i still dunno wad i want in life! or wad im gonna be in the future!

haix...

...slackin...

2006-09-21T09:21:00.000+08:00

just finished chem p1...
grrr... i rili hate mcqs...
i dunno wad the hell i was shading a wyl ago..
9rrrrrr..
we r having a 2 hour break b4 the nxt paper-bio p1...
aarrgghh..
y does it hav 2 be 2 hours?!?
bored...bored...bored...
...tired of mugging...
haix...

~

continued segment of the conversation

*silence*

"and high school came...
we were still friends....
but not as close as before...
many other friends came in...
we were in different classes...
and you found yourself a new best friend...
we saw each other less often...
we hung out less....
we talked less...
but even if we did meet during lunchbreaks,
we would not eat together
coz u were with your new bestfriend,
and i was with my gang...
we soon changed lifestyles, beliefs and ideologies..
i was the rebel, you were the conformist...
i was the wrong one, you were the right-- always right...
teachers loved you,
i was their number one enemy...
gawd, look at high school,
it might as well have sticked post-it notes on our foreheads,
for its stereotypical way of labeling students...
but yeah, at that very era of teenage life...
our relationship grew even more turbulent...
there were frequent clashes...
there was no flow...
we were not in the same frequency...
we were 2 ppl from the opposite ends of the Earth...
best friends who just became mere hi-hello acquaintances..."

~

if there's anything constant in this world,
it's change.

...pracczzzzz...

2006-09-20T14:55:00.000+08:00

just finished chem prac 2dae...
damn, it TOTALLY sux to be in shift 1...
u hav to go to school on usual time...
which is 7.45 in the morning..
the exam will end by 9.30...
but u cant go home right after that...
you have to stay in school for another 4 hours...
get locked in a prison called the studio...
and suffer the torture of boredom
and the need to find things to do in order to chase that boredom away...
geeeezzzzzz...

~

i jst have one more practical paper 2 go..
which is on friday-- physics...

BIO
just as what i expected and at the same time dreaded not to have-- drawing
we were to draw this violet(or was it blue?..nvm...) tropical flower and this pod plant that disperse seeds by explosive mechanism... but wad i like most is the sampaguita flower!!
i immediately recognized the snowywhite bud...and if there's anything special about that plant, it's the fragrance... so i was like sniffing it for a considerably long time..

CHEM
as expected- QA and VA...VA was ok, i got accurate readings... but grrrr, i hate QA!
i hate warming mixtures!!!! i am slowly developing the phobia of bunsen burners, test tube holders, and test tubes..
grrr... the mixture i was heating kept on spurting out!
there was even a point it boiled so wildly it spurted out and burned my hand!
sheeeessshhh...

~

continuation of the conversation...

"you thought im going to kill myself, don't you?
and that i am going to slash my wrist open,
and jump straight into that abyss of darkness...
i just told u...
i am not worth a friend, why do you have to care?"

"because ending your life that way is stupid!
PLAIN STUPID!
look at you! can you imagine
how miserable you would be remembered
in this world if you do that?!
it's not just us here now..
think about your mom, dad and siblings!
dun tell me you are just going to vanish like that,
cause of some unworthy reasons!
tat would be very selfish of you!"

"they do not really matter much to me anymore..."

"huh, those words don't mean anything.
you always mention these kind of stuffs,but
most of the time, they are not true..
i know you,
i know you well enough to help you grip back on reality.
all this time long, you have been seeing yourself as some
courageous martyr, who can live life solitarily,and end it at your pleasure..
but deep within, you are crying and AFRAID..
probably questioning yourself whether you are realli heading the right path..
well girl i assure you, you're wrong-- PLAIN wrong.."

"stop it... ok you're right.. you're right.. you're ALWAYS right..
now, can you just leave me alone? let us forget about each other...
and start a new life...
i can see that you can be happy without me...."

"that is not true..."

"it is...
you rmb when we used to go to that deserted playground and play see saw?!"

*nods*

"i rmb we would bring our dolls along...
we were both full of glee-- our dolls too, whom we call our daughters..
and we thought we were the most blessed among the kids in the neigbourhood--
coz we were the happiest..
no kids knew other kids as deeply as we knew each other..
we made sandcastles,
even during rainy days,
when we threw muds at each other's faces instead...
dresses splotched with dirt,
we would go back to our own homes,
and both face the pain of the cane..
we knew secrets we never share with anyone but to ourselves,
snakes scare you-- in fact, even the very word itself...
bee stings and bees make you vomit and have rashes all over your body...
countless...
ah, the years we spent together...
we shared both sweet and bitter memories..
we were the best of friends ever..."

~

years would pass,
and you might not realize it.
live life to the fullest.

..schizo...

2006-09-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

see that bimbotic dunman prc scholar...
she was laughing...
and i noe she was laughing at me...
damn, i dun care y..
i hope she laughs until her own laughters drown her to death...
i rili dun see y u won that double thing last year..
coz honestly, i dun even think
ur voice is amazing....
myt be some ass-kisser...
kill the bimbos in the world...

~

oh look at that other girl....
so pretty rite?!
so fair...
her cheeks are as red as ruby..
and her lips so lush...
kissable...
and the flicker of her small eyes...
ooohh so tantalizing...
mars and venus bow to her...
oh indeed a goddess in human form...
but wait, i c sth else...
within her...
a rotten corpse...
flies buzzing in her mouth...
a stinking soul...
all of you, don't you smell the stench?!
of course, i noe you won't...
you cant see..
coz u all have been blinded by the devil radiance,
she physically emmitted...
you are all so weak...

~

"i can fully perceive her...
as a person...
a friend u can hav only wen u r in the in-betweens and ups of ur lyf...
coz when u r down,
she'll abandon you..
and look at you!
wat do u do?!
she treats you like some pathogenic whore..
and you keep still...
and quiet..."

"y would she?
she is the full-time biatch..."

"yeah,
you hate her..
a lot!
you called her names, backstabbed her,
and even formed some groups against her..
and still, you befriend her..
you talk to her...
as if you dun realli feel any grudge against her..
dun u realize it?! you are actually becoming
a FAKER here yourself!
like her!!!"

"yeah, i realized that..
but that is wat the others in the 'group' also..
and u noe wad?
they treat her betta than me...
as if she is more important than me!"

"you are making a total fool out of yourself,
slowly, you are becoming like her..
and soon like her, many people will get annoyed with you,
then they'll get irritated, and sooner,they'll loathe you!
yet you wont rili feel it, coz they'll be saying it behind your back!"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!
y does it always have to be me?!
y is it always me who's wrong?
i'm tired of it, SICK of it!
you all keep on criticizing,
pointing out even the tiniest error in me...
yet hav u spent a second looking at yourself?!
u r NOT perfect...
u dun have the right to dictate my life..
i am tired of being your toy...
your object of prejudiced criticisms..."

*silence--tears falling*

"y do u hav to keep it then?! you could've told us!
that way we could've known...
we are not fortunetellers..."

"coz you'll never understand...
all these accumulating emotions,rage...
and i don't wanna bother myself explaining to u..
it'll be useless...
i olweiz thought we were olredi the best of friends..
but somehow, coz of my actions, i could see that thought..
is slowly drifting away...
i am not worth your friend...
you deserve someone better than,
a foolish, childish me...
so long my friend....."

"wait! where are you going?!!? what do you mean?!!
hey,no-- dun--hey-- wat yah do--- HEY! NOOO!!"

~

if my life was a ride,
it would be the roller coaster--
full of ups and downs,
full of adrenaline--
full of fun--
and spent with
friends who sreamed
their fear out and away...

i'll never forget it...

..sana kahit minsan...

2006-09-18T15:26:00.000+08:00

i am in a sea of despair...
i loathe my friends...
i loathe my work...
i loathe myself...

what is wrong with me?
i am constantly nagged by the feeling that i have always been doing the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time...
since my arrival in this stupid boring country called singapura...

i do stupid things...
i think stupid things...
i get irritated easily...
even over some bloody card games...
i rockety-lose my cool fast--real fast...
i hardly notice it...
until i realize i have made the people
i care most about--- upset...
and it would have been to late to say sorry..
coz by the time i decided,
i would have been on a bus---
50 metres away from them...

i am fucking depressed...
yeah, i think i rili rili need anti-depressants now...
or betta yet, marijuana,
to hallucinate me away from the world, my friends, and myself...

at least that way, i won't have to carry the cross
of pain from hurting people by my vague life controlled by
vague disaffections and remorseless self-analysis...
fuck this life...
fuck krishna...
instead of teaching me the extraordinariness of ordinary life,
it has only shown how much similar my life is to his..
how each event in the novel has somehow been synanymous to the life-changing chapters of
my life in singapore,
as a scholar,
as a friend,
as a human being...
the difference is,
i don't think i'll be able to cease to live like a cow...
i don't think i'll ever find that inner peace that enabled krishna to attain spiritual union with his wife...
i don't think my life will be able to execute a transition from the world of predictability to one of spontaneouity...
why?
coz unlike krishna, i don't think i'll ever be able to discover what i rili want, and what has been bothering me all this time long in singapore...

...i have been clinging onto the veriest straw thinking i was on land. Now, the straw has snapped. I can only drown. I'm drowned...

...koala...

2006-09-17T19:27:00.000+08:00

enw...
changed my fster profyl..
as in many ppl were lyk so shocked...
they say it's so not me..
well, decided to change....
coz black is becoming too common as theme for fster layouts...
well, jst dun visit too often tho..
you'll noe wen u look at my space..

http://www.friendster.com/iluvteisco

w8 for the thing to load...
it'll take some time....

:))

...blessings in disguise...

2006-09-16T10:32:00.000+08:00

bliss...

he actually smsed me last nite asking me how am i...
i said tat im ok, just frustrated with some papers...
n yeah, he actually did tat coz he said he was "worried" about me...
damn.. u jst make me fall in love with u more deeply....
and i was wondering y, coz so far, the exam paper i screwed up the most is ss...
but he actually asked me about my chem..
wow,im amazed by wad he noes...
i did the worst for chem among the 3 sciences...
but hell yeah...
he said news spread fast...
wow, i found tat weird...
if there's anything tat happened to me..
for sure he'll get tat info from daddy,
who got the info from mommy..
[woah, look at our family, not rili gud info keepers huh?]
enw, so later at nite..
i asked mommy if he told daddy anything...

it turned out that mom told dad about our oder friend who slept during chem exam..
and drew smiley faces on the paper instead of answering it...
and apparently, dad heard it as "fame"...
(seriously dad, i think u r growing real old.. i shall be buying u hearing aids soon.. *bleh*)
so he told his roomm8..
and the "news" spread....
wow, boys can as well be more gossipy than girls...
but yeah, so the news came to "him"...
and tat is y he smsed me...
coz he was probably thinking i screwed up my chem...
omg, probably next tym, i'll tell mom to tell dad that i was so stressed during bio practical,
the frog bit my index fingertip off... who noes he myt rush back to the hostel to see if i'm well.. haha..then at least, i wont suffer the torture of missing him too much...
enw, enuf fantasies...
but yeah, if tat rili happened,
the admin wont just make me go to counselling sessions..
it'll send me to the hospital, strap me on the bed..
and inject anti-depressant drugs...
haha...
seriously, i dun rili want history to repeat itself..
i'm trying my best to be a rili gud girl tis year..

y is tat?
i actually did tat last year...
i mean, not answering my first term chem ca but instead scribbling expressions lyk,
"fuck you singapore" and "kill tkgs" in tagalog...
i did tat intentionally..
y? coz they did not allow me to go back home during march holz...
for revenge...
call me childish...
i was a total fool and rebel last year...
the school admin HATED me...
esp my chem teacher, the principal. and ms elaine...
so they made me go to all these stupid counselling sessions..
and taught me the A B C D...
A-action [the activating event tat cause me to feel angry or sad]
B-belief [wad i think about the event]
C-consequence [wad i did]
D-denoument [the result of ur action or sth]
watever...
so hell, i hav to go lyk everyday during recess...
and i found it very very very troublesome...
the counsellor is not even doing any help..
useless..
so yeah, my sec 3 school lyf was not great...

so i dont have any plan of letting history repeat itself..
haha...

well, gotta end here...
doing physics mcqs...

5 days of torture...

2006-09-15T15:15:00.000+08:00

gawd, i feel ambivalent about this week...
i feel relaxed but stressed,
gay but frustrated,
surprised and shocked,
confused but sure,
intact but had been a bit blur...
haix,
i am always full of ironies...
wad a life...
*spicy*

...prelims news...

el, ss, am, ma p2, phy p2, ch p2, bio p2, lit(elec)-->>> DONE!!!

prelims is wracking my nerves off!!!
but daddy advises to enjoy exams...
wad a principle..
but i guess it's healthy...
cuts down the unnecessary stress u impose on urself...

nxt week-->>> all the science p1 and practical. and maths p1..

then we are free!!!!!!
at least, not till the os...

...joke...

i thought it was all a joke..
so i jst rode along with him..
he can't rili take it seriously, can he?
i mean,
he likes perhaps LOVES another girl...
he can't possibly like me..
i dunno wether he's taking the whole bf-gf thing seriously
or not..
i prefer the latter...
damn, i hope he did not take my answer
as if i GENUINELY meant it...
no... tat'z just wrong...
and that whole "i love you- no joke" thing
is just another part of the stageplay...
i don't like him in that way....
(and obviously i do not love him...
love isnt just a part of my life's vocabulary)
he's jst a rili fun friend to play around with..
tat'z wad i was thinking the whole time..
that it was just one of those games...
i knew him since young...
one of my road playmates...
damn.. noo...
i should mend the wrong message
i have been sending him....
gawd, wat have i done?!?

...end...

i am going to watch of queen of the damned [for the 3rd time]
tonite..
betta de-stress my self..
b4 i crushed into pieces...

...death...

2006-09-13T16:15:00.000+08:00

has anyone ever sat for a while,
think,
in fact,
imagine,
how he or she is going to die?
i mean,
it's not weird, unethical nor illegal to spend time
thinking about it...
we are all gonna die...
it's just a matter of how...
and when...
heck, who cares wad ppl think about death..
some say it's a mere full stop..
others say it's the medal of existence,
and the link to the other side of the world...
but yeah whatever,
we are still going to die...
i wonder how does it feel...

i do not wanna die of old age,
i want to feel death, taste its every bit..
i wanna KNOW i am dying...
death is not about pain...
it is a moment when you slowly realize ur existence
is slowly fading away...
it is an irony...
life has always been full of contradictions..
and will still end that way...
it is bliss when u noe tat u will soon free yourself
from the varnish of the world..
yet
it is grief-stricking to noe tat u will be separated
from the people and things you care about...
and though it may initially create
a numbing sensation in their hearts..
sooner or later, it will dissolve...
things may or may not change...
upon your disappearance...

i may bleed to death...
burn in a plane crash...
be crushed by a ten-wheeler truck..
be eaten by a whale...
choke till my lungs cant hold on any longer...
be ambushed and assasinated by the Abu Sayyaff in Mindanao..
and the people i care and love might not know it...
and this is what i fear most about death..
it is random,
spontaneous,
unpredictable...
i will never know when i am gonna die..
i will never be guaranteed that i'll be able to express my affection
to the people i care to the fullest use of the heart..
by the time i noe it will be too late...
there are so much ppl i care about..
so much i love,
and i noe i could've disappointed them,
in one way or another...
i dunnoe if ill be able to make it up with them in time...
if i could only stop time....

if only...

...roasted coconut...

2006-09-04T20:02:00.000+08:00

nyaaaa... nyaaaaa.... nyaaaaa...
i noe of a potential couple in the hostel...
weeeeeeeeeeeee.....
blooming love.....
love makes this freakin world go round...

/*hostel*/
mugged up bio 2dae.....
wif mommy...
and...
we talked to daddy for lyk more than an hour..
about eng n her "admirer"...
mom n i support the idea of them together...
so we were asking daddy infos about him...
actually i dunno y mom suddenly wanted to noe jt tt way...
i mean he and eng can anytime noe each oder "naturally" rite?
thru msn,sms...
tat'd be more credible...
coz i dont think a person has fixed personality..
it changes..
tat'z wad makes noeing ppl complicated..
u hav to noe tt person thru tt person himself n not from any oder parties...
haiz..
if noeing ppl was jst as easy as noeing their genetic make-up...
nyaaaa...nyaaaaa...nyaaaa...
but yah.. so this interrogating thing will jst give eng a rough idea about jt..
but not the full detail..
so JT MAKE A MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if u rili wanna befriend her...
eng is a very friendly gal...
dun worry... nyaha...
as fro mommy n daddy, i can c tt they r happy 2geder...:))

/*thai thai delights*/
winnie came back to the hostel 2dae..
wif lotsa lotsa food and goodies....
her family is so warm....
they noe me!
they said winnie told em lots of stuffs about me...
[quite creepy.. did u oso mention the crazy stuffs i do?!?!]
nd i lyk her sister's shoes..
converse!!!
enw, i went to visit her room n she has lyk more than 2 drawers filled wif food..
tuna, noodles, name it....
but wad i lyk most is the roasted coconut!!!!
yumyum.......

/*fiba...*/
spain's e champion!!!
hurray!!!
70-47.....
nd pau gasol didn even play for the final game coz he's injured...
how could've greece defeated usa?
enw.. mr gasol is the mvp..
yiieeeee...
readers, i got to watch the fiba champions play live wen they went here for PSC...
hope u r ol not green wif envy...
bleh...

:))

...boyfriend...

2006-09-03T11:07:00.000+08:00

hey guess wad?!?
yesterday, i took photos wif paul twohill and jonathan embraced my waist!!!!
ayiieeeee!!!!! sg idols...
it happened tat nina n i decided to go mcdonald's to mug up chem and physics...
[gawd.. school prelims is so near.. i can breathe it]
we actualli planned to stay in kfc but unfortunately [or fortunately? haha] there was an ongoing kids bdae party....
so we moved to mcd...
and there we mug n eat....
[yah btw.. we actually noticed tt we 2 cant study in e same place for a long tym... coz we slowly lose concentration..we can easily gain it back by moving 2 anoder place..we even tried e hawker center!!]
yeah so after some tym wen we sorta get bored wif e place, we decided to get out..
but then kaigai n pear came [to the rescue] n came to eat.. so we stayed a bit l8r...
so here's the interesting part.. kaigai saw hady, anoder sg idol contestant...
i dun rili recognize him, but the moment he went out of mcd.. paul went in!!!
the pack was there outsyd!
[btw readers, u myt probably think tt the sg idols were there to hold commercials or promotions, but nope.. they actually went to mcd to use the toilet.. ;p]
haha...
nd e moment paul went out.. i asked him to take pic wif me.. [damn, my fone actualli almost got f*cked up.. it was prbbly shocked to see a celebrity.. nyaha]..
but heya.. hell.. enw.. i heard him laugh n his laugh is so retarded..
oh yah.. n not forgettin his alienatic smile..[gawd.. wen wil he get those damn braces off!!]..
gawd he's so emo.. [emos r one step below transvertites]..
so gay...
but nvm.. i shook hands wif him..haha...
and then a minute l8r.. jonathan came!!!!!!
i think he's much more good looking in person..
and his smile is so genuine...so tanan!!!! picture picture.. hehe...
and e most interesting part is he slipped his arms round my waist!!!!!
[wyl taking e pic]
gawd-- the adrenaline.. so warm...
i suddenly wanna hav a boyfriend.. nd of course i oso shook hands wif him...
i cant 4get tt..
i think i had leg pallor..
gawd, i am amazed by the power of destiny n randomness....

at around 9.. mommy nina n i went to bugis to buy herself a bag...
and she got a rili nice orange bag..

/*back to the hostel*/
mom n i suddenly had this crazy idea of pranking ppl n frankly ask em to be my boyfriend..
haha....
we tried it on honghu... haha...
im not sure if he actually fell for it or was jst riding wif the fun...
but nvm.. it worked on him...
i tried it on mj too...
adn the reply was quite- cute....
i wont tell you wat it is...
but he did took the prank seriously...
and i dunno how but we ended up talkin about names...
that for some ppl, they onli used it to identify sum1...
lyk me calling nina mommy..
but she's not rili my mommy...
nd tat i do it only for the sake of fun...
but wad i believe is tat naming ppl would olweiz be fun at first..
but somehow along the way, u realize tat through tat name u somehow made a connection wif tat person...
"i hav an example right before me" [quoted from him]...
i call u mojo.. for e sake of fun...
n probably accdg ur side, i call u coz i want to identify u wif tat name n oso to cancel out other mjs i noe...in oder words, for mere identification...
but it has sorta created or rprsnted sth significant in my life...
it has added spice in a way...
at least wen i go somewhere far away...
n someone mentioned mojo..
i can actually smile..
coz somehow, it wud bring me back to the time tat once i..
+befriended
+liked
+cared for
+got infatuated wif
+was CRAZY about

someone who i once named mojo....

...deja vu...

2006-09-02T12:00:00.000+08:00

damn...
75-74...
just one more shot to get into fiba finals...
argentina, wat has spain done to you?!?
manu ginobili, y do u hav to pass tat last ball to nocioni?
u could hav shoot it yourself!!
tat shot could hav brought u to the finals!!!
haix..
but wad's done is done...
USA lost to greece as well...
101-95...
damn...
y does it hav to be the teams i lyk?!
haiz.. there is still the bronze medal eniweiz...
Greece Vs. Spain for the finals..
which team am i supporting?
spain. yep..
even though they beat my husband's team...
i still lyk pau gasol....
:))

...prologue...

2006-09-02T11:42:00.000+08:00

hello readers!
this is my second blog...
my first one is in friendster...
i decided to make a new one to narrate the lighter side of my life...
my friends find my original blog too dark and mysterious....
coz my posts were either expressions of angst and anger wif the world,life and people..
or mere affectionate entries that are really cheesy...
just pure emotions conveyed...
there were some narrations though..
but they are vaguely told...
details are thought about with extreme caution...
u can check it out if you want...
http://perfectlyme.blogs.friendster.com/perfectly_me/

so wat to expect in this blog?
tales... narrations... confessions..
of a 16-year-old rag doll...

starting....